Sunday, March 18, 2012

from Henri Nouwen's The Inner Voice of Love

"When you get exhausted, frustrated, overwhelmed or run down, your body is saying that you are doing things that are none of your business.  God does not require of you what is beyond your ability, what leads you away from God, or what makes you depressed or sad.  God wants you to live for others and to live that presence well...Your way of being present to your community may require times of absence, prayer, writing, or solitude.  These too are times for your community.  They allow you to be deeply present [for them] and speak words that come from God in you.  When it is part of your vocation to offer your family a vision that will nurture them and allow them to keep moving forward, it is crucial that you give yourself the time and space to let that vision mature in you and become an integral part of your being.

"Your community needs you, but maybe not as a constant presence.  Your community might need you as a presence that offers courage and spiritual food for the journey, a presence that creates the safe ground in which others can grow and develop, a presence that belongs to the matrix of your community.  But your community also needs your creative absence.

"You might need certain things that the community cannot provide.  For these you may have to go elsewhere from time to time.  This does not mean that you are selfish, abnormal, or unfit for community life.  It means that your way of being present to your community necessitates personal nurturing of a special kind.  Do not be afraid to ask for these things.  Doing so allows you to be faithful to your vocation and to feel safe.  It is a service to those for whom you want to be a source of hope and a life-giving presence."

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Birthday wish.

Volo quidquid vis,
volo quia vis,
volo quómodo vis
volo quámdiu vis.

I want to do what you ask of me:
in the way you ask,
for as long as you ask,
because you ask it.

-Oratio Universalis
attributed to Pope Clement XI

Thursday, February 9, 2012

“Is she pretty?” 


“She behaves as if she was beautiful. Most American women do. It is the secret of their charm.”

- Oscar Wilde The Picture of Dorian Gray

Monday, February 6, 2012

5th Sunday in Reaaaally Ordinary Time.

Sometimes, holiness is feeding the hungry in Honduras.

Most of the time, it's:
maintaining joy while re-hanging clothes at work,
silencing the most horrible swears you know when it's nighttime and your oven won't shut off,
and realizing that the stress over your undone Research homework is really your own damn fault.

There's that. I'm exhausted.

"A Christian is to be a 'sign of contradiction'—a light on top of the mountain—
a thorn in the side of the world. His entire life is a silent reproach to sinners, 
a beacon of hope to the oppressed, a ray of sunshine to the saddened, 
a source of encouragement to the destitute and a visible sign of the invisible reality of grace.

Saints are ordinary people, who love Jesus, try to be like Him, 
are faithful to the duties of their state in life, sacrifice themselves for their neighbor 
and keep their hearts and minds free of this world.


They live in the world, but rise above its mediocre standards. 
They enjoy living because life is a challenge, not an indulgence. 
They may not understand the reason for the cross, 
but faith gives them that special quality to find hope within it. 
They do understand they are to walk in their Master's footsteps 
and everything that happens to them is turned to their good.

Saints are ordinary people, who do what they do for the love of Jesus 
say what they must say without fear - 
love their neighbor even when they are cursed by him 
and live without regret over yesterday or fear of tomorrow."
-Mother M. Angelica, "Holiness is for Everyone"

Time to check the Good Junk Cabinet

This post was written by my dad. He's really great, and his emails are always solid gold. 
Nothing has been changed in the transmission of this post from email to blog...
random grammar, formatting, and storyline tangents are parts of Dad's verbal art.

Time to check the Good Junk Cabinet. 1-29-2012

Everyone should be lucky enough to have space for such a cabinet.  We need such cabinets to help frame forgotten things that can surprise us when we re-discover them.  We need such cabinets to return to, to help us gauge where we have come from, to help gauge what we once thought was important, to help remind us of things we once wanted to/ and maybe still want to get around to doing. 

When I was a young man, and transient, I called it a good junk box.  Now that I have been married 30+ years and have lived in the same house for over 20 years I have a Good Junk Cabinet.   

With the most recent purchase of running shoes, and the last pair not being worn out enough to throw away yet, I declared that today after church I have to come home and clean that cabinet out and see what can be tossed so the cabinet doors close.  

Here is what I found: Some of it is current: my running shoes, t shirts, travel shaving kit.  Other items are archival … on purpose:  A paper napkin still in its plastic pack from when I accompanied the 2004 HTRS Marching Band (& Hannah) to the Medieval Knights dinner and Renaissance games in Florida .

  Some are archival by happen stance:  Old belts.  Running turtle necks that have not been used in years, as I have not run in the winter for years. …Making me wonder if I will again.  

The rest of this Sunday’s list of what I “found” in my good junk cabinet:

Old prescription receipts for pills I still am waiting to really need before I take them.

The receipts for the 4 white shirts I bought the month after Hannah died.  (Those were the 4 white shirts I was going to wear until they wore out and then by the time they wore out I would be done mourning.)

Directions to stop watches that I have yet to figure out how to account for lap times when at a track meet.

2 Norelco Electric razors that no longer work but they have the caution note on them: contains a NiCad/rechargeable Battery – Dispose of properly.   And I am not certain what “properly” is.

A portion of  “pocket diary” notes dated 12-10- 2004…that points back to Joyce’s statement that we should keep a diary when we are going through challenges because people can get caught in a cycle of thinking that we have not made any progress … and by going back to such old notes we can often be surprised about how far we have come, or that we were ever really in that deep of a side track/ challenge. 

A 2 year old OWH story about an Iowa family named Klocke that I was going to mail to my friend Norm Klocke who lives in Kansas . 
A parable I got from a pastor several years ago following the funeral of Barb (Schroeder) Fry’s mother:  …A Parable on motherhood by Temple Bailey
The young mother set her foot on the path of life.  "Is the way long?" she asked.  And her guide said, "Yes, and the way is hard.  And you will be old before you reach the end of it.  But the end will be better than the beginning."  But the young mother was happy and she would not believe that anything could be better than those years.  So she played with her children and gathered flowers for them along the way and bathed them in the clear streams; and the sun shone on them and life was good, and the young mother cried, "Nothing will never be lovelier than this."
Then night came, and storm, and the path was dark and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother drew them close and covered them with her mantle and the children said, "Oh Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come," and the mother said, "This is better than the brightness of day, for I have taught my children courage."
And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead and the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary, but at all times she said to the children,  "A little patience and we are there."  So the children climbed and when they reached the top, they said, "We could not have done it without you, Mother."  And the mother, when she lay down that night, looked up at the stars and said, "This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned fortitude in the face of hardness.  Yesterday I gave them courage, today I have given then strength."
And with the next day came strange clouds which darkened the earth, clouds of war and hate and evil--and the children groped and stumbled, and the mother said, "Look up.  Lift your eyes to the light."  And the children looked and saw above the clouds an Everlasting Glory, and it guided them and brought them beyond the darkness.  And that night the mother said,  "This is the best day of all for I have shown my children God."
And the days went on, and the weeks and the months and the years, and the mother grew old, and she was little and bent.  And her children were tall and strong and walked with courage.  And when the way was rough they lifted her, for she was as light as a feather; and at last they came to a hill, and beyond the hill they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide.  And the mother said, "I have reached the end of my journey.  And now I know that the end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk alone and their children after them."  And the children said, "You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates."  
And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates closed after her.  And they said, "We cannot see her, but she is with us still.  A mother like ours is more than a memory.  She is a Living Presence."
As I re-read this parable that I had forgotten about, I newly recognized that such parables should not be saved just for eulogies. Rather such parables should be shared when those mothers and those others are alive … so all around can nod their head in recognition by this reminder: “So that is what has been going on here for all of my life.”  …Whether that person nodding in awareness is 7 years old or 14, or 27, or 57.  Rather than waiting until after the fact to grasp this story, share this story (or a version of your own story) with someone you love who may not have a clue how deep that love can be.   
That is some of what I found in my Good Junk Cabinet today.  I hope your day was as lucky.  KB 1-29-2012

Friday, January 20, 2012


The ol' running trail in Fairfax, VA on a particularly enchanting day.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Trust the plumber and love the locksmith.

I hereby resolve to treat everyone like I treat plumbers.

The plumbing van pulls into my driveway, and I wave. Our favorite plumber knocks on the door, and I shout through the kitchen "Come on in!" like I know he's my neighbor coming to drop off the Pampered Chef cupcake liners that I will use to make treats for my 3rd grader's Valentine's Day party*. (In the interest of full disclosure: *None of those things are real. Don't be mad at Pampered Chef.) I tell him to not worry about removing his manly workboots, make conversation, offer him coffee, and sit near enough to the leaky sink to know that he really doesn't want to steal my coffeemaker, but far enough away that he has space to wedge his body under the cabinet, talk to himself, and drop a wrench without an audience.

The locksmith, on the other hand, comes to our house at 11 p.m. when an interior door refuses to open, no matter how many friends with mafia ties try to coax it. To start things off, I give him the eye. Dude's not here to save me from mopping the stanky sink water off of the floor. He's here to break into my house and be compensated. My locked-out roommate is nervous, and his System of a Down tee shirt can't even remember the better days it's seen, adding to the tension in the air. He opens the locked-solid door WAY TOO EASILY and asks for $50 more than the previously quoted price. Cash only. I slloowlyy cross my arms, cooolly cock my head, and caallmly interrogate him with flashing words like blades until he mumbles that he will take roommate's check for the original price and he hopes we have a good night. We watch him slide out the door, my arms too crossed to wave goodbye.

Night and day, people. Night and day.

My dad taught me, when he managed a plumber's warehouse in Central Nebraska, to believe that plumbers need love too, and plumbers saved civilization, and plumbers are prone to some hyperbole, but overall, can be trusted. He also taught me to trust my gut and do what I could to avoid being taken for a ride, if you know what I mean. He ALSO taught me to not be afraid of giving people the kindness they deserved - remembering their inherent dignity would never put me at an eternal disadvantage.

I'm not going to invite Smithy the door-opener over so that he can demonstrate knob-unlocking techniques at Game Night...but I am going to remember that self-preservation doesn't have to stand in the way of kindness...

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The kind of people you can't wait to be friends with...


Imagine my elation when I found this rendering of one of my FAVORITE quotations! 
Just try and imagine it!
After the first gaspy discovery, I read Rebekka's blog...and kept reading, and kept reading.

Follow the sound of my squeals of happiness to:

“My Standard is: When in Rome, Do As You Done in Milledgeville.” 
-Flannery O’Connor to Maryat Lee, May 19, 1957

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Pray for parents.


We really need to pray for pregnant women. Especially when their baby is no bigger than an avocado. It's a really hard job that you just can't perfect. It's terrifying and exquisite. It's so risky, and it's the only way we start.

At the moment of conception, they are different in a way that tightens the band around the front of my brain because I can't fathom what it all means. Humans grow inside of women for a little stretch of eternity, and that changes the woman's identity irrevocably. She is a MOTHER. My head hurts.

Yesterday, I sat and stared at a young woman as she received the results of her fourth pregnancy test. She was actually pregnant, and really scared. Legally, she can end that baby's life for a few more weeks. Please, please, please pray that she doesn't. She cried into a tissue, stood up carrying more questions than when she had arrived, and walked out of the office with her little blueberry-sized baby tucked inside her, looking to the world like any other young, hip, exotic twenty-something. She was so beautiful, and so alone. I didn't know if I could hug her, if that would help. I just cry. And pray.